Wes Up Over

Well, the time has finally come.

I have officially been on American soil for 4 days. On day two I had my first Chipotle in a year. Ironically, it was the first burrito the ignoramus employee had ever made in his life, so he completely botched it and the whole thing tore open within three bites. I was on the verge of tears (think Patrick Bateman when he realized the superiority of Paul Allen's Business bard. That's bone.) I cannot begin to describe my utter disgust and loathing towards this incompetent dingbat. I have been dreaming of this first burrito for months and he completely ruined it. He put the peppers in before the rice. Instant disaster. Did he honestly think, just by looking at me, that I didn't want the cilantro enhanced rice? It took every ounce of self control not to assault him and ask for it to be remade by the Mexican chica with gold frames on her teeth. She has skill, unlike the no-talent-assclown in charge of my meal. Moving on, albeit bitterly.

It's a very odd feeling. I anticipated a massive sense of relief upon my arrival, but so far it has been anything but. I got to catch up with tons of friends on Saturday night, despite being caught in the Twilight Zone that is jetlag. That was great fun, but it only made me want to move into the city more. Compared to Australia, you get incredible bang for your buck in terms of accommodation. Some girl friends had a house warming party and their place was absolutely glorious. I need to move into the city, stat. It has also been great to catch up with my parents and I will see my sister in a week or so.

Without trying to sound like your typical faux-cultured college student who spent a semester drinking with Americans in/and around Italy and came home donning capri pants, obnoxious leather sandals, and some sort of beaded jewelry and bragging about cheap wine and fast women... it really has been a culture shock being back in my beloved motherland. I'm not saying that I would ever want to have an Australian accent, but there is something about it that suggests a more lighthearted and congenial attitude than that of an American, in your face, accent. I guess it is similar to a pleasant southern accent (south east aristocrat....not alabama degenerate, natural disaster victim, trailer park swine). Don't get me wrong, midwesterners are kind, lovely people, but the formality of social interaction is extremely shocking at this point. I don't think I used the word "Mister" for an entire year. Thats not a word of a lie. Unless I was casually mocking someone...Ohhhhh check out Mr. Big Shot, etc.

On the subject of social interaction, it has been very difficult to stop saying a few aussie slang terms. First off, "mate" is horribly difficult to replace with something as boring and American sounding as "man" or "dude." I used to bank on those, but I really have learned to enjoy "mate." Unfortunately, that is COMPLETELY unacceptable to use in American dialect. A couple more subtle terms/phrases/sounds that are proving difficult to eradicate are:

1) Mmmmmm - Used when in agreement. Need to get rid of it because I don't like it at all.

2) Ya Yaaaaa, No - Used when someone is asking you something towards which you will provide a negative response. The ya's are a way to segway into your turn to talk.

3) Awwww, yaaa, listen - Another conversational segway that I catch myself saying

4) Cheers- Now, this is debatable. The way I see it, it can be an unconventional way to sign off emails, notes, texts, etc, BUT only if you haven't just spent a year in Australia. In my case, it just makes me seem like I want the attention and I think I am really cool because I've been away for a year. (See aforementioned faux-cultured douche)

5) Aw Craike! Get a dog up ya, ya flaming gallah! - Casual insult I threw at someone the other night without thinking twice about it. Totally american, right?

Aside from the accent, the culture will definitely be missed. My personality gelled very well with the Aussies because I am typically a pretty laid back guy. That being said, I have been raised to bleed red, white, and blue (oh wait, that's their colors too, ummmm, crimson, porcelain, and azure?) and to work hard and be happy with my American values. In the coming months, this will mean completely abandoning the blithe existence in which I have relished for the last year. Its time to buckle down, find a job, save some green backs, and move into the city!

I guess this will be my last blog post, which is sort of depressing. It has been a very fun way to keep you all updated and, hopefully, a little bit entertained. I will probably start a new life blog that will be far less interesting, but I enjoy writing and ranting, so it will happen. I just need to think of a catchy title. I don't think Wes Up Over is too good.

Thanks to everyone for following and I hope it was as good for you as it was for me. Cheers Mates!